How could this happen?

The day was the same as any other. I went to work. My thoughts were focused on the upcoming Holidays. Gifts would have to be bought,wrapped and shipped. It was the middle of October and I had a feeling of something I can only compare to euphoria. After getting home and starting to prepare a nice meal for my family. My two young children were just playing when the telephone rang. I casually answered the phone. The voice on the other end was not familiar. It was a female and when she identified herself as my sons' sister in law I knew that something was terribly wrong. I asked her if there was something wrong and she replied with a shaky voice, yes. I asked if it was Jason, my youngest son, and she said yes. I asked if he was dead. She said yes.
I hit the floor .
I could not seem to comprehend what I had heard. I don't recall saying anything else at that time. I hung up the phone and tried to tell my husband what had happened but my girls were within earshot and I didn't want to say anything around them yet. I gathered my emotions and went into automatic drive. I went to my neighbor and asked her to let the kids stay at her house for a while. I told her what had happened and that I needed to make some phone calls. I can remember I had an overwhelming need to talk with my oldest son that lived in Arizona as well.

When I called him at his fathers house I kept telling him it couldn't be true. Finally, after talking with him for a while, I was able to grasp at the truth that was too unreal to me.
I gathered a little more composure to communicate with my husband as to what had happened. I realized that I would have to call other people and tell them this awful truth.
I was numb. How could even think of telling my family, my mom, my dad, my brothers, my sister. I have never felt so confused. I was struck with so many thoughts. I was consumed with a gripping pain within my body that made me weak and unable to talk rationally. My earlier thoughts of euphoria had been transformed into anxiety.

I suddenly had a gut wrenching thought that my father, who was a police officer in the town that Jason lived, might be called to respond to the scene and would have the terrible shock of finding his own grandson DEAD. My thoughts were racing. I picked up the phone and called information. I asked for the phone number of the "Chandler Police Department". I then called and talked with the dispatch officer who told me that my son's address was outside the city limits and the Sheriffs' Office would be the ones to respond, and that my father had already left for the day.
I wasn't sure what to do next. I decided to call my ex-brother-in-law. He had stayed close to the family and I knew I could depend upon him. I called him and told him through a broken voice what had happened. I asked him to go to my Fathers' and give him the unthinkable news.

Before too long the realities of what would need to happen became apparent. I would need to make arrangements to go home and BURY my son. I was not prepared to do this. It was just one of the many impossible things that would need to be accomplished for many years to come.

I finished fixing dinner for my family. made the arrangements for the transportation and gathered the laundry that needed to be done to make my trip to Arizona and to make sure the girls would be prepared for school.
Finally I was sitting on a plane headed to Arizona. It was so strange to be sitting among so many people and not one person knew what I was feeling. What I was so unprepared to do. All I could think of was "How could this happen".